School's in Session - Lesson 2

by Melissa

So last week I wrote about how enlightened my kids were becoming and how they are dragging me along into an enlightened state with them.

HA!

Not a week after I wrote that, I was reminded that parenthood is an uphill climb, with a big pack on your back.
My kids ability to pick up on the seriously BAD habits that myself and my husband are still working on and be just as CLUELESS as us, are a lovely reminder. 

(I’m so sorry kids - but you’re parents are DEFINITELY a work-in-progress)

Crap-in-a-BASKET!

Today’s lesson for me, is in Adjusting or like the Marine motto “Improvising, Adapting and Overcoming..

Say it with me boys and girls.

This week on our episode of “As the Pre-teen and the Teenager Turn” we find our teenager, working hard to define himself,  a.k.a. assume his place in the tricky social strata of Middle School.
He is constantly pushing back that he is not smart and he just wants to be like the other kids and take “easier” classes and not do things that he (or rather certain aspects of his social group) deem to be “geek or nerd type” activities or classes. AHHHHHH!  This translates to low amounts of actual work being done and a severe attitude when asked to exert himself.
For example, day 8 of school, he comes home and tell’s me that he has not only messed up a part of an exam (which let me be clear - I’m fine with, everybody makes mistakes). However, he goes on to admit that he “forgot” how to do the problems.  

Ok, WHAT?  

So I ask, “did you study?” He responds with, “I did my homework.” And I ask again, “but did you study for the test?” And I get the dreaded, “sort of.”
And then I remember he was in the basement playing his beloved video game from 7-8pm and then relaxing until bed. I have answered my own question.
Day 9 (still on the teenager)
Time to get up, no alarm. Headed out of the door, forgets his water bottle and phone. He is whining and moaning about the band class he has every day before school. One of those mornings where he is complaining about every little thing.

OY!

Next we tune into our youngest child , the dreaded “pre-teen,” who gets severely irritable when he doesn’t get enough rest (that part he sadly gets from me - NOT morning people). I’m sure his sleep schedule needs to be adjusted. And then during the school year there is NO tablet at bedtime
SO he’s going cold turkey on quitting his YouTube addiction. BUT this still leads us to  flipping out about:

• Part 1 -  How he can never have friend time after school because I take care of other people’s kids after school (which I've been doing for 2 years now and I heard this all the 1st year)
• Part 2 - I’m always working and he can’t do anything fun.
• Part 3 - Why is their homework?  
• Part 4 - I hate so & so because they were mean to me at school.

(Finally my personal favorite)

• Part 5 - This one girl is SO annoying because she likes me!!!

You know the whining and complaining the other one was doing, just a longer list and more elementary school-ish.

Oh and then my absolute favorite episode starts in earnest (she says with great sarcasm), squabbling back and forth in a constant dance of negativity.

Oldest:“Stop touching my foot.
Youngest: I was here first and YOU have zits!
Oldest: Well, Your face is ugly and there is no cream for that.”
Youngest: You suck!
Oldest: You suck more!
(We are raising Last-word-Larrys)

AHHHHH...I’m going crazy.

I try to find my happy place by imagining myself with a umbrella drink in my hand on a beach somewhere, a cold beer in my hand at the top of a mountain, a shot of Sake and a plate of sushi among cherry blossoms by a pond, lunching with the cast of my favorite TV show, great hair without styling, a world without laundry, toilets that clean themselves...scratch that houses that clean themselves, groceries that just appear on your shelves, no hunger, world peace, a real candidate for president...to never DIET again! 

 I digress.

Maybe it’s the daydream of many happier places... but it HITS me!

What am I a ROOKIE? 
On a side note: That in the land of semi-adults, also known as teens, I AM A ROOKIE! But we have been at this thing called "school" for quite awhile and I now recall the situation.

It’s the 2nd week of school and this TV melodrama has a long way to go!  The positive attitudes can be few and far between. I lovingly refer to this time (actually the whole 1st month) as “SPLAT on a wall.”

They need to adjust, as do I. Pressure is back and it comes from all sides (especially these days). Thank GOD there was no social media when I was a kid!

I’m not saying that this is going to cease and desist, but it will get less LOUD. Realistically it will come in fits and spurts throughout the school year. They are re-learning to deal with this new universe. And, if they can’t let steam off with me, who can they? And my swiss cheese brain needs to remember that or it will make a long school year, even LONGER.

SO, I’m going to let the oldest drag a his feet a little and see where that goes. And I’m going to let the other one have an after-school outing where it all works out and maybe just listen when he is raging about his day (keeping my inner control freak under wraps for a bit


About that enlightened parental state...I’m still learning to improvise, adapt and overcome. 

Apparently it’s a process?

(CRAP!)




Please share your “aha” moments with us. We love to hear we are not the only parents on the planet who are being schooled by their kids (i think we all need a bit of that to stay sane).

School's in session.

(What can I say...I'm a slow learner)

by Melissa

Every year at this time I get very nostalgic about the past school years and how big my children are getting and how I can't believe how fast time flies...etc. etc. etc.

Sure, I took them back to school shopping for supplies and we got new shoes AND the dreaded 1st day of school outfit.  My husband made sure we had a celebratory danish for breakfast that morning and we got them up, instead of their alarm clocks. I watched my kids do their usual things and I followed them around the house and did "Mom" things (which I'm sure they find annoying and I wonder how they are ever going to live without me).

They needed me SO much less. They needed less prodding and were super grateful for all the effort I put into their back-to-school experience. We talked. (Did I mention I have boys?)

There was still some silences as they watched Youtube and ate breakfast but when it came time to take those 1st day of school pictures, NO resistance (other than the obvious aversion to summer ending and school beginning). They smiled, they put their arms around each other, they even recreated a photo we take every year that LAST year we nearly had WWIII over.

Okay...who are these kids?

Something shifted. We turned a corner.

So many people have talked to me about the dreaded :"8th Grade Change," Which being the worrier that I am, caused real dread sending my oldest to school.  And the 4th grader is officially a big kid now, because he is in the "Intermediate" portion of his elementary school, otherwise known as the beginning of the end! Stages of life, measured by milestones that the outside world gives us, to let us know that they are marching towards becoming adults, to moving out, and growing up.

Don't get me wrong I'm still a master worrier! I keep the exterior calm and control the clammy hands and damp eyes. I play all calm cool and collected to their faces but inside I'm a WRECK!  And usually, they are right there with me, with a thousand questions and a tiny bit of panic in their very dilated pupils. But NOT this year.

I saw instead a bit of calm and a bit of excitement. WHAT!?

And I have been asking myself what and where could this have come from?

So I asked them.

And they answered.

Oldest child:

“I figured that since I can't do anything to change what is coming, I'm just going to make the best of it and try not to think about it.”

Youngest child:

“I don't like school but at least I got the teacher that I wanted and that's an ok way to start off.”

Now, I'm paraphrasing a little, but the jist is that they are...

living in the moment and taking it as it comes.

OH MY GOD! The mantra that I repeat to myself (ad nauseum, if I must admit) so I don't have a stroke from trying to control my universe, has been picked up by my children!! AND then I had my own "teachable" moment. I lead by example. I know everybody KNOWS this, it's in EVERY single parent blog, book and article. But seriously until you have had that actual moment where you see it take shape and hear your ideals coming out of their mouths...it's a VERY powerful thing. Like I said I'm a SLOW learner.

I feel I need to clarify something. First, I know they are listening and regurgitating our words and ideas. When they are little most of what you do they are just “trying it on” and seeing if it fits them. Then they pick and choose what they can relate to and comprehend.
Second, I have had plenty of moments where I have had to hear my own words come back to haunt me, that is a very different entity...one that sometimes doesn't feel so good. Those times are ones where you wish you had a time machine or a "magic eraser" for the toddler mind, for example, that has absorbed your very colorful way of letting the driver behind you in a pick up line know how you feel about their driving. That's leading by example too, and for the longest time it seems like that's all they pick up...all the DUMB stuff you habitually say and do.

Until this year, the year we turned a corner.

The year I got "schooled."

Ok..CRAP!
I figure I have a tiny window left with the oldest and a marginal window left with the youngest to squeeze in some more ideals and habits that will be helpful before they fully realize just how slow I am!

Please feel free to share with us your "aha" moment and how your kids might have "schooled" you.